Modesty Needs to Come from the Heart

JMJ

Recently, I have had a number of people ask me about modesty and wearing skirts and dresses. The most recent question came via a blog comment. Jennifer wrote:

Hi Christine,

I have a question for you and your lovely daughters inspired by your slideshow. We have 5 girls, all still very young, the oldest is 7. It seems like your girls generally wear skirts/dresses and we'd like ours to do the same. Has it ever been a problem for your family? Have your daughters ever wanted to wear shorts/jeans when their friends are doing so?

Thanks and God bless!

Below is my rambling response. I apologize that I don't have time to respond more fully. Hopefully, the resources mentioned will fill in many of the gaps.

We have come to wearing skirts and dresses slowly. From the time I was little, I have liked to wear dresses. I always thought that my mom, my paternal grandmother, my aunts, and great aunt looked so pretty in their dresses. Modest dresses and skirts are so feminine. When our first daughter was a toddler, I purchased dresses for her (as a baby, she wore one piece outfits - they are better for crawling). Family and friends gave us dresses, shorts, and pants outfits for which I am very thankful. My older girls wore all of these outfits. I can probably count on one hand the number of pants and shorts that I have purchased for my girls over the years. This wasn't conscious on my part. It was simply that I preferred, and still prefer, dresses and skirts.

picture from Catholic Tradition

When my oldest daughter was eight or nine, one of her friends asked her why she always wore dresses. My daughter came to me and told me about the conversation, letting me know that she felt uncomfortable and out of place. I told her that she could wear pants if she wanted. She did, but has found that she prefers wearing skirts and dresses.

A few years ago, I had the privilege of speaking with Fr. Dennis Gordon, FSSP on the phone. During our conversation, we spoke about modesty and skirt wearing. Fr. Gordon shared (and I have since read in Fr. Trochu's book on St. Bernadette) that before Our Lady appeared to Bernadette Soubirous, St. Bernadette told her companions, who were lifting their skirts to go through the water, "Lower your skirts." Something about that conversation made me consciously decide that I wanted to only wear skirts and dresses. 

That summer, the day that the girls left for camp, one of my daughters was wearing a pair of shorts. I asked her, "Why are you wearing shorts?" She replied, "Because I do not have enough skirts for camp, and I didn't want to wear one and possibly get it dirty before I arrived." I made a mental note to myself, "I need to buy or make more skirts for her."

Since then, I have learned in a biography about St. Padre Pio that he would only hear the confessions of women who had entered the church wearing a skirt/dress that was at least eight inches below the knee. If a woman changed her clothing after entering the church, he would not listen to her confession. Pants were not an option. God gave Padre Pio the ability to know the length of a woman's skirt without seeing the woman.

picture from Catholic Tradition

I am different from some of my friends in that I have not told my daughters that they can only wear skirts or dresses. I simply don't buy shorts or pants anymore. My girls knew that some of their friends would be wearing shorts at the camp that they just attended, but they didn't mind. They've been to another camp where the girls only wore skirts, and they thoroughly enjoyed it. They are girls, and they are happy to be girls.

I think that it is important in today's world that girls dress like girls. I cannot tell you the number of times that I have seen a woman and thought that she was a man. A week or so ago, I commented to my oldest daughter, as she was driving, "Let that man get to the sidewalk before you turn." After my daughter turned, I looked back and said, "Oops, that was a lady." Our daughters need to look like girls, and our sons need to look like boys. Our world so needs feminine women and truly masculine men.

We all come to holiness in different ways. Just because a girl is wearing a skirt doesn't mean that she is holy. I realize that most mothers know this, but I think that it is important for us to share this with our daughters.

All that being said, modesty needs to come from the heart. As mothers, we need to encourage modesty in our daughters, but most especially we need to pray for them. As Fr. Wolfe, FSSP says, "Pray three Hail Marys, each morning and evening, for purity and holiness." Pray those three Hail Marys for your daughters (and sons) and teach your children to pray them too.

picture from Catholic Tradition

If any mothers are looking for resources, I recommend:

Books
The Privilege of Being a Woman by Alice Von Hildebrand
Dressing with Dignity by Colleen Hammond

Sermons
Women and Children First: Holy Purity
Sins of Lust: The Consequences of these Sins against Purity
Maintaining Purity by Virtue or by Force
Modesty: The Virtue that Guards Purity
Modesty of the Eyes